Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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