I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
