Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
