Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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