This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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