I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Randomize
