there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
