I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
