I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
