The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
