the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
