Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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