I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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