Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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