he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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