My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In America we eat man semen.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
