How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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