My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
