She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
