Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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