And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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