My Higher Power is John Stamos
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
