ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
