I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
