i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
