I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
