I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
