I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
