The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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