sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't like sucking hair
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The air taste purple.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
