I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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