Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
