OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
