You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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