I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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