you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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