Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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