Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
