Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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