I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
