spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You've changed since you got that strap on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
