i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
