I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
