i would punch a child for taco bell
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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