my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
