I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
