i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
