I can text with my tongue
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
