I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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