lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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