Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was CRYING into my vagina
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
